Looking back on life

February 27, 2014
chris

A random thought, has, as they always do popped into my head.

I have many thoughts that race through, sometimes I don’t even realize I had them until ten minutes later.

Yet that old thought of self reflection, popped in, and promptly sat down on a couch I didn’t know I had in my head.

It lit up a smoke, opened a beer, looked around the room with a hint of distaste mixed with intrigue.

Gave me a slight nod, and crossed its legs.

So I knew it was here for a good while.

Self reflection, to me is different to inner reflection, it’s more a look at the past, then compare to the present, while fondling the balls of the future.

You may think my using testicles for a future reference as somewhat crude, but if you don’t have balls to try different things in life to get what you want…you don’t really get very far.

Unless of course, if your goal in life is to sit and complain about how you hate your job/life/partner/insert anything you have recently complained about, and never having the balls to do something about it, then by all means be offended.

So yeah… self reflection.

It walked in quite by accident actually, I was reading some comments about a poem I wrote back in 1989/90 my first attempt of writing poetry, I think I posted on here actually.

Creation.

Several people commented on it, loved it, yet one said they find it too hard to write about nature, then in walked self reflection.

I went through my whole life from that point forward, looked at my poetry, and realized just how jaded I have become.

Back then, I was always looking up, looking at shapes in clouds, different things people had left laying around, or dumped, even accidentally lost, with this mind frame of utter curiosity.

Jump forward 24 years, and while i retain that curiosity, I realized I stopped looking at life in the same way, part of growing up maybe?

Not sure, I know several people that still seem to retain that spark of youthful inquisitive awe, life to them is always a learning curve, with new and amazing things to find, lost, dropped, or dumped in their path.

I stopped watching the news, TV is an occasional thing unless there is a show I like (Currently Vikings, and True Detectives) I go to work, do my job, be forced to put up with the crowds of people on the bus, that strangely is always packed no matter what time bus you get.

I once was a social person, I worked in the pub restaurant for four years, the king of social!! now?

I’m happy to not be invited to work outings, happy to buy my beer at Safeway, and very happy to go home and relax locking out the outside world… a world which I have traveled so many times, so it surprises me to find myself at the ripe age of 41, being so jaded to life.

Well…. maybe life is the wrong word, jaded towards humanity, and how we have created such a cage in a world that, if we did it right the first time would be a pure joy to exist in.

 

(There’s a reason this was posted in random shit by the way)

 

I get a lot of hits on all of my writing, yet no one ever comments… no biggie really, I just hope people like what they read, but if anyone is feeling daring… or has been drinking, then comment below, I’m interested to hear what other people think of how they were 24 years ago compared to today.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my life the way it has evolved over the years, and while i don’t believe in God I am a firm believer in fate, the many adventures I have been on, the battle scars my body now have, like medals to events mostly forgotten, are all part and parcel to the entire road trip we call life.

so now I find myself right at the point in life I was destined to arrive at, much much wiser, and as mentioned several times, somewhat jaded to humanity, I don’t mind it, it helps me to write what I write.

 

Except for poems about nature.

 

I tried… it’s gone, lost in the past of adventure and decision battling with indecision parties, and solitude that would push a person to the edge, from the rolling hills of Ireland, to the harsh city lights of Hong Kong, from the beaches of Australia, to the high Desert of Oregon USA.

I can mention them, but I can’t embrace them like I did.

 

Such is life, as they say.

Hopefully a few people will comment, I am truly interested in other peoples opinions on the matter.

 

As usual to anyone that made it to the end of yet another ramble, I’ll buy you a beer if we ever were to meet, although why you would be sitting in my house waiting for a beer is beyond me, as bars are crowded, and over priced shit holes these days, so that kinda narrows it down really. 🙂

 

CD