Cattle Train

I wrote this on one of my last trips up to Seattle, I had to go(very begrudgingly I must add)  2-3 days a week on Amtrak for 6 months to cover after we lost an employee (never could find him) but the trip in most cases was bloody terrible, almost always late from an hour up to 3-4 hours. You try sitting in a cramped seat for 6-8 hours see where your mind takes you.

Even though the views were stunning after the first month it all just melted together like the work of a street artist on acid…

Cattle Train


Those sweet sweet kisses caressing the moonlit night


Memories of pasts present future


Water laps at my heart, as tracks of iron bid thy passage north


Heavy heart does it go into the rising suns glare


As tree after tree, town after town shows me mankind is lost


We can no longer see the humanity for the people


Too many now


We scurry like ants beneath the feet of God headlong into oblivion


So soulless do we kill for no other reason than to see what it is like


Rusting tracks glide by, a hint of green on rotting sleepers


A hint of mother natures easy return


Her slight wink to those that know better


Mankind is but a whisper in time


A flea feasting on the blood of the universe


One day to be shaken off in final annoyance


by an entity we have sacrificed so many for, in the short millennia of our existence


To war century over century, fighting for nothing


Fighting for something


That never-ending desire to kill


To love


To fill the world with spawn to keep the blood line ticking along


In some false belief that we shall live forever if we do so


As Gods to our future generations, a rock to lean upon


Ten commandments to live by, to rule by


To kill by


The water laps silently through my window


I watch her gentle ebbs and flows, they seem stifled in the silent clackity clack of the trains constant motion


A mute child trying in vain to make the world understand her words


Hush now child, no more fussing


Lap against your shores,


Give us what we demand


Let us take without thought


Cut through the rolling fogs, and lonely hills covered in mist,


True beauty to behold, and the perfect route to the city


Selfishness and petty demands come from ignorant minds


I fear death, yet despise life


This pathetic version of what we call life at least


Fishermen stare blankly as my train flies by, no doubt laughing at all the cattle on their way to nowhere


How many in this cattle train look back at them with even a hint of envy?


How many even realize they were there?


We seem to gaze upon the world while never actually noticing its presence


Walking through life in a dream state of self destruction


We wait at a station on this pointless journey, and in silence a moth flies up to my window


As silent as the flowing waters, it sits upon the glass to show me the intricate marking upon its wings


Wings so fragile if I were to touch them they would cause her to fly no more


As always I am alone in this moment… the only one to notice


We trundle away towards the north, to continue my soul sucking journey


Lost now in the workings of my mind


Darkness creeps in, as the rising sun blinds my sight


I fear this coming night as I will once again go in search for my hotel ghosts


Towns pass by in a blur, each one swelling to the point of bursting


Nowhere is safe from mans never ending need to take over


To spread out


To conquer











A poem I wrote….2004 I think, I remember my son 3 going on 4 had gotten into his inquisitive stage, asking question after question about everything, and all things. It was that first night when this poem rushed through my mind, and reminded me of that one moment back in Ireland when I mused about relating my crazy stories to my future children, always believing I would never make it to the age of having a family… the ignorance of youth lol 😉


So many years ago

The voices would they whisper

“He seems nice”

“In an odd way”

Something about him that never sat quite right

Maybe it was due to his never being able

To sit quite right

A patchwork copy of the soul

Pasted into the fabric of life

Edges frayed slightly

Not exactly the right color to his surroundings

Still you seemed happy knowing he was going

Even though there was never anything there

How sad for your ignorance to want to throw a person out

Knowing they had no place to go

Just to have them away from your pride and joy

Like cutting cancer out with a butter knife

All the while thinking everything was going to be ok

It always was ok

You just never saw it for what it was

That man was not a drifter

Not a waste of space like he heard you refer to him as

Nor was he out to defile your not so virginal daughter

You lived in ignorance then

I wonder have you ever changed?

That patchwork drifter has

With every passing day

With a meeting of someone new

With every new country he visits

Each and every day does he log into his drifting mind

Those events that now unwind

Driven by emotions to drift, to search

Moved by emotions to carry on

Forever looking for that something

Not love, like you so feared

Not acceptance

The likes I never found

The questions to my answers

I thought Ireland might have held them

I was wrong

Rolling green hills still gave way to ignorant valleys

Cutting deep into the countryside

Like a clumsy man with a butter knife

Carving his way through his daughters soul

Saying his goodbyes the drifter moved on

To be forgotten quickly I’m sure

How strange he never has

His patchwork mind has logged it all down

To remember till the end

The good with the bad

Like black and white paint thrown against a wall

Sliding to the ground in a gray streak of hopelessness

A gray end mixed with bar fights


Train trips laden with ale

Horse races in Kildare

Drunks and empty country roads

Lovely people

Helpful people

People that would steal from you as quick as you could blink

Beautiful rolling hills

Fields filled with sheep

Young girls shouting at their children

Old train stations cold and dank

Dark hotel rooms

Fevers and drunken friends unable to help

Long nights cleaning the bar, counting stock

Long nights out in Dublin

Meeting others from distant countries

Drifting like me

Living for life and earning a keep

Wanting to be able to say one day when we are old

“I lived there once”

My experiences were not of your daughter

Your fears were shadows

Hideously beautiful attempts to keep your little girl from becoming a woman

Blocking the road for a man that claimed nothing but friendship

Your sons knew it

How sad that the teacher could not be taught

You were right about one thing, for a time

I was a homeless man

I wished to be just that but I never took what was not mine

You made me out to be a thief

A leech upon the blood of the innocent

I laughed when I left

A mixture of comedy and tragedy

I was sad to be going knowing I would never return

I was amused at how happy you were to hold the door open

A look of victory on your face

Do you still think with such shallow tones?

Maybe with time you will see the true meaning of life

Maybe not

My time has been well spent

So much more has been learned by the actions and thoughts of others

By the actions and thoughts of myself

Still you were not alone in your beliefs

Some like you that thought me a con artist

A drifter looking for someone to rob

Others knew better and helped a little, as that was all I would let them do

I the drifter

That lives in one place now

My search complete

I the drifter

That has a job and a home

A family now

That has memories of countries far away to remember

To tell my son one night before bed

Of places far away

To tell him

“I lived there once”

That shady man never to be trusted

I the drifter

That loves his son

That would give his life so he may live

I the drifter

That drifted into your home

The Devil in a suit

You would have all believe

Your voice so loud God himself could hear

It matters little really now

That was then

This is now

I am who I was to be

Still to become

You are?

The same yet a little bit older?

My words may seem bitter

Yet they are not

My words are nothing more than a telling of a tale

Of a man and that guy you hated once

For no real reason at all


For some reason Hotels these days kind of creep me out,

I’m always wondering who’s been in here before me,

what manner of virus did they leave behind

are they still alive? or did fate catch them that foggy morning at the cross roads?


The semi darkness do I creep

Ghost in tow begging for my sleep

Lights too bright I harken to hall as savior to my senses

This room of grandeur in pamphlet alone

Do its walls sit so close to my soul that I beg for release?

The need for escape does it writhe like worms through my mind!

Shouts in the distance

While sex plays down the hall

My shadows grow closer

My ghost she begs for sleep

My muse does she weep

My soul does it scream

What does this life truly mean?

Trains cry in the night

My murderer

My savior

Lights grow dim

My ghost,

let her in…